(Or: "Why Girls Shop")
There are many reasons to shop. (She says.) Oh-so-many reasons. Why do they shop? And can they be stopped? It´s their duty beautiful. Is it in their genes? This is one man's essay, a quest for understanding. My girl, she's a shopping junkie. She´s the shopping queen, she makes me scream. She shops because she can. She shops, because it's there. She shops, therefore she is. A Diva she is, in tune with the common (wo)man. Her friends agree. They get together and shop like mad hatters, as if it matters. (´cuz it does)
Poetic interlude: She goes shopping when she´s happy, goes shopping when she´s sad, goes shopping when she´s good, goes shopping when I´m bad. But, WHY?
Part 1: Shopping is SEXY!
This is the lay-away plan of hidden desires. I like coffee cubano and forbidden cigars. She goes window shopping for shoes and american cars. Tell ya, she´s dangerous on her day off. This could go on for hours. Shoes, shoes, shoes! (Pass the booze.) We are yin n' yang, opposites attract, intact. These are the Laws of Nature. Yes, the hunt is sexy. She´s dressed to kill. She´s dressed for success. She gets all dressed up, sexed up (to buy more clothes!) Stay hard for the avant-garde. Get down, girl! (The price.) I´m her succulent assistant. I stick my shiny solid-gold-card in the slot and she squeals, "Ooooh ..." She´s hot stuff, consumed by a burning fire. She´s got something (hot, hot, hot!) cooking under that new smock. With Soul Kitchen intentions she licks the competition. She´s a material girl. Go to the light! (A Blue Light Special, your beacon towards enduring happiness.) With bedroom eyes she buys and buys and buys. Scans the horizon for deals yet unseen. Lingerie, skirts, socks, boots, oh my! I can´t compete, I wanna raid Flavor Flav´s wardrobe!
-Her favourite songs:
"Mama Told Me, Ya Better Shop Around." and
"I Still Haven´t Found What I´m Looking For."
-Least favourite: "I Do Not Want What I Have Not Got."
Part 2: Shopping is Political - FRAUEN POWER!
Berlin shoppers, UNITE! There´s the red, the green, the black, the blue. Once again, we´re talking about the shoe(s). A vast democratic majority (of shoppin´ gals) will have their way, any ol´ day. Or night. Awright, awright. They´re one with the cosmos. It´s a matter of CHOICE (what to buy). Style, size, colour, design. It´s an affliction, a disease - but one they have no desire to change. You can´t stop the fever, and (be honest now) why would-ya-wanna? Each shopping spree strengthens the sistahs. (Say that ten times fast!) They were born to do this deed ...
It´s their destiny. Shopping is timeless - past, present, future.
Poetic interlude, 2Be: "We´re gonna shop around the clock tonight, we´re gonna shop-shop-shop ´til broad daylight!"
Part 3: Girls just wanna have FUN!
They shop for the sake of shopping. (For goodness´ sake!) They shop to their heart´s content. Shopping is insanely fun. (Or it can be.) Fun is "in," vogue, even cool, sayeth some. (The Fun.) Fun begets more fun, it breathes, it breeds. (see "Sexy," above.) How can you fight the Fun? Get with the flow, jump in the river of life. Be one with the Fun. C´mon boys, don´t you get it yet? You fucking meat-heads! You WILL get it (ahem) if you go shopping with her! Go shopping now, and enjoy it. Erase the guilt! A guilt-free society is a happy one ...
Part 4: Shopping is SOCIAL!
Us and them. She shops with friends to make amends. They create new trends. Daily. Her taste will save the day. I can wear the same thing day after day (usually on tour) but they are constantly in flux, movin´ and groovin´ - nibbling on the outer fringes of fashion. But it´s the intricate mystery of this act that will bring us (all) together. I suggest they start the International Shopping Federation (for Fair Prices / Anti-Globalization). Be all you can be. They want cheap-prices galore, much less, no more. Even if we don´t understand (We, The Along For The Ride) we roll our eyes and shut our clapper. We´re the silent minority, the boys who accompany them, we nod to each other in secret code. But we support them in
their frenzy, we are fools (in Love). We are neutral observers in their passion play. They are lost in a cosmos of consumer desire. One riddled with planets, places we (he-men) can view through rose-coloured binoculars, but cannot stay. Hey, hey.
Men are simple creatures. Möchte gern machos with neanderthal thoughts. We have our wants, our needs. When I go shopping, I know exactly what I want. (Czech beer, pizza, pommes, ya know: the basics.) No if, ands, butts about it. Get in, get out. I´m a heathen. I am a sad sack, a cool yet clueless hobo, mean-ingless observer to their endless, joyous folly. But I´m a secret admirer. Yes, I will join them on the hunt (for good products). For them, the journey is it´s own reward. Shop on ... Oh, how they love it! To dawdle is an art form, finely tuned. Let´s extend this timeless act of friendship, the ritual of shopping. I want to change my vision, with eagle eyes for the Deal. Their vision will become my vision. Hobby becomes obsession.
Part 5: Shopping is SPRITUAL!
Welcome to consumer heaven. Hallelujah! Yes, brothers and sisters, we need a spiritual awakening, over-priced goods be damned. It´s the dawn of a new (shopping) era. For those about to shop, we salute you. Shopping is their religion, their solemn oath. I don´t want to sow seeds of doubt into their belief. Is there a force out there, greater than ourselves, that pushes us to shop? Through the stratosphere and into the mall? There is nothing on this
earth that can stop their second-hand desires.
Poetic interlude, 3D: She shops right on past the dark side of the moon, then she wants to spoon. She cannot stop, she´s OUT THERE!
Outta this world. Shopping is its own mass universe unto itself. Spiritual, universal. One step beyond. A solar system for cosmic beings in the material world. Like Captain Kirk said in that 70´s black ´n´ white Twilight Zone episode, "There´s something out there ... on the wing." Shopping is FAR OUT! Let´s face it, the 70´s must have been the ultimate ... with
everyone taking LSD, throwing off their crazy outfits and fucking all over the place! Those of us living in the moment, the now, should learn and yearn for the great beyond. We are the Salvation Army of fashion. Let´s keep seeking, explore the outer regions of our minds. Take us to that higher level, Ye Shopping Gods. That nirvana-blissful-thinking paradise: of supply and demand, give and take, universal values for all wrought with jumpin´ jimminy wheeler-dealer guardian angels of Bargains.
Be holy. Cut loose, go wild. The perfect Outfit is the mirror of your soul.
Truth be told, I think if they were to stop shopping, (tho´ the curse of men who understand not, cannot stop the ritual) my heart, too, would stop. Like that song from Houses Of The Holy, "What Is And What Should Never Be."
Shop `til you drop, girls!
Peace, -Todd 007