This is the story of a friend of mine with a strange tale, and I know that she's really just trying to get on the Blog, but I'm gonna tell it anyway. OK, ya made it! But ya never fooled me, ok! Yeah, she told me that two days ago she discovered the magic and beauty of Phil Collins, even though up to now she only listens to Goa music. (Too many mushrooms, perhaps?) OK - um, I am completely OPEN to any and all types of music, um, and as ya know - it happens to be my job and my life and inspiration. But, c'mon - Phil Collins? Are you taking the mickey, girrl?? I mean, she's 25, and he's been around for about 125 years, so why now? (Sorry, Phil.) She swore to me that she's serious, but I think she's just trying to get on the Blog. Heh. But it's probably all her boyfriend's fault, 'cuz he showers her with praise and adoration, and it's driving her crazy. That guy's such a pussy. So here's a brief description of the illustrious career of Phil Collins: Started out in the 70's as the drummer for the band Genesis. (OK, I admit, he IS a great drummer.) They were pretty avant-garde at the time. Then the singer quit, and became a solo superstar, and actually ended up nailing Sinead O'Connor, so I heard, (which is HARD to do) and when the singer quit, Phil stepped in and took over the lead vocal duties. (Oh, shit - he DOES have a good voice ...) In the eighties, Genesis, with Sir Phil at the helm, wrote lots of pop ditties and scored many radio hits and made a shit-load of money. (Gee, it IS kinda cool to be rich ...) Then Phil's solo career took off as well. (See: "No Jacket Required," a good fucking record - oh SHIT!) He starred in the movie, "Buster," a flop - but it actually was a good movie (arrrgh!) about a cool bank robber. Phil wore a really sweet burlap hat in that one. He went on to write songs for many Disney movies (wank, wank) which REALLY sucks, except that kids around the world love "The Lion King" and all that other happy shit, and it's kind of peaceful and loving. Thoroughly disgusting. (And happy kids are cool, too - as long as they're not mine - heh!) But as we in "the biz" know all too well, Walt Disney was a fuckin' bastard with anti-semetic tendencies who over-worked his employees and had a nickname in the company: Little Hitler. So maybe Walt was the prick that gave Phil Collins a hard time. (Last night, I was in an underground club, and they didn't play any Phil Collins but they did play, "Sympathy For the Devil" hint, hint, which is starting to sound like this article.) One of Phil's songs appeared a couple of years ago in the movie "American Psycho," as the killer-hero was hacking up one of his employees to death, while Mr. Collins crooned in the background. Now, if that isn't cool, then nothing is. (Brutal!) But the best part of Phil Collins' multi-talented career is the swing band he put together, and they've been touring around Europe for the past few years, with Phil singing and drumming, and ... OH, FUCK! She's right! I'm a closet Phil Collins fan, so help me jesus, and he's actually pretty good! I'll probably meet him some day, and he'll be really nice. We've all got a dark secret - now ya know mine ...

Peace. -Todd