For the 2 girls from Cork, Ireland:
Yes: I'll come play in your town ...
Yes: I enjoyed listening to obscure music all day ... (like The Avalanches)
Yes: it's true that Flight 22 is off to Honolulu ...
Yes: I've been to a Wal Mart before, but I've stopped my wicked ways ...
No, I don't mind that one of you is a cop. (Lock me up!)
Thanks for your instant hospitality! Welcome to the Calico family. Ahhh, my luck, my luck. How sweet life is, dear readers, when you follow the rigid spontaneous highway. Music lovers around the World, unite! Remember how we sat on the deck, and drank coffee and played guitar in the sunshine? Divine! Mmmm, great cake! Noodle salad suprise and hot music in the background!? What a wonderful afternoon we created! And your sweet room-mate, (on exstacy) cute as a button, asking me all those questions about groupies. Tee-hee! I love this job ... And then you told me all 'bout the would-be junkie Thief, trying to break in through your window at midnight. Aren't you glad that I fixed your window? Yes, it was me. I don't wanna brag, I don't need rewards, I just do the occasional good deed for damsels in distress ... especially if they play me obscure songs from the 60's like Arlo Guthrie, live. You know the one, (dear readers) something about cruising down the highway and your pickle gets wrapped around a treepole, no wait ... A guitar string pops off, leaving you no choice but to spring from your Supersonic Moped to the ground below, no wait - over the cliff - yes, that's it! (Where the cops sit, waiting, in the blue-stream boogaloo, as if they'd known the whole time that you'd come sailing by.) Or was it that a tire blew out, and robo-cyber fuzz stopped munching the transluscent Virtual Pickle they were eating, to get a glimpse of you jamming the blues on the side of Mount Everest. Um, er .. it was something like that ... but I believe in the significance of the pickle!
And now, as promised - 13 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Go To Wal Mart:
1. Wal Mart comes to town, and puts all the little guys outta business.
2. Wal Mart backwards spells, "Tram Law." Can't be good.
3. Wal Mart hires pre-teen children from Siam, and 89 year old seniles.
4. It's just not punk.
5. You're two beautiful for Wal Mart.
6. Rain Man said that "Wal Mart sucks."
7. Something perverse about a place where you can get car batteries and
slippers and undies and ice cream and socks and nose-hair pickers.
8. Todd says, "Wal Mart sucks."
9. The more worthless crap you buy, the more you turn into worthless crap.
10. Beauty pales, is not very becoming in the Wal Mart (neon) light.
11. No Marilyn Manson, Queen Latifa, or Monkey Business CD's.
12. Wal Mart doesn't sell Becherovka, Guinness, or even Newcastle!
13. Wal Mart doesn't have everything you need.
(Special Mention) Wal Mart isn't sexy.
There ya have it - need I say more? Shop around!
Arlo Guthrie and Al Sharpton in 2004!
-Todd