Zardov In A Speedo (For Nick)

(Only a few people in the world will get this one - and most of them are in Oakland!)

For Nick: Give me FIVE MINUTES! and I'll get you pictures of every incredible movie star in embarrassing situations - including Sean Connery in a red Speedo! (Add Sean voice-over, "I'm Seannnn Connerrry ...") On some funky planet with Space-babes, and a scottish tan. Then with just a bit of wine, you'll all swear that the Turks are coming! (Led by Captain Turk of the U.S.S. Enterprize.) Or was it a golden dildo from (?) Turkmycockistan, and you know in FIVE MINUTES we can find the map of that place on the web!? But remember:

"Don't let the Menehune see ya coming ... they're tricky bastards!"

Yeah, so we say, ride the night train to Zardov with an Amber ale in your hand, stumble through Oakland looking for trouble, and when ya find it, just let the homeless man show you how to run a weed-eater after all, then let the junkyard dog let his guard down, and howl much like his master(s), and master will become servant, and aren't we ALL just a bunch of Weens, anyway?! Furthermore, we didn't go Chapter 11 - so buy all the phoney-baloney top dawg stocks and throw it into Golden Dildo Soup bonds, 'cuz that's where the real money's at, and isn't it just so sad about all these "Budget Sluts" they've been giving to the rich? I mean, let's ask the new King Daddy J. how to handle such malarky ... she'll know. And what about Boy George Michael Jackson Browne? He's great ...

All we're trying to say, is that there's a new movement emerging, one of supreme love of free speech, so free that it hurts! Huh, huh - no, that's not it. It's so free that your bum is hanging out. No - that's not it, either. Just throw me bone to the wolves, and let an Animal (or was it Bitch?) praise free speech in all kinds of mysterious ways, that make the Menehunies go, "Ahhhh ..." And then watch us celebrate 3 nights in a row, over nothing, and as the sun comes up (and what a beautiful sun it is) let us don our red skivvies (to be like Zardov the Great) and watch us hitch-hike to Calcutta, Kentucky ... And the first one to paint his or her pubies green IS a rotten egg, and then at precisely the perfect, sychronistic moment - watch a ferret screech by, doing a fancy dance for insomniac villains. In JC we trust ... the Immortal Church of JOHNNY CASH!

Al Sharpton for President!

-Todd

Posted by calico at June 11, 2003 11:58 PM

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